(with thanks to Jeremy Hoffman)
Create man with foreskin. Command him to cut it off.
Place fossils in ground. Troll scientists.
I gave you free will. use it exactly as I command.
Create world just for humans. 70% salt water. 20% Desert.
Unconditional love. Conditions apply.
No masturbation or premarital sex. Hormones peak at age 16.
Explain how I created the universe. Leave out the first 13 billion years.
The bible is a good source for morals. Kill gays, adulterers, disobedient children, non-Christians. Slaves are good.
Wisdom teeth, tail bones, goose bumps, male nipples. Intelligent design.
Help actress win awards. Do nothing about world hunger.
I am all powerful. Need a day off to rest.
He is the only god. But he get’s jealous.
Allow humans to exist in completely isolated jungle-tribes. Send them to hell for not being Christian.
Create gravity. forget to mention it.
Everything happens for a reason. Not tellin’.
Create Satan. Blame Satan.
Create universe. Wait 13 billion years to tell some people in the desert what to do.
Telescopes getting more powerful. Time to move further away from Earth.
Create imperfect world. To showcase own perfection.
Demand Adam and Eve follow a rule that requires the understanding of right and wrong. Don’t give them the knoweldge of right and wrong.
Jews are my chosen people. Allow Holocaust.
Accidentally makes humans too smart. They stop believing in me.
Love thy neighbor. Nevermind, he’s gay.
